Why we can't have nice things.

Short version:  Assholes.

Long version:

Yesterday, somebody blew up a Buddhist shrine in a tourist spot in Thailand.  Twelve hours later, it looks like 18 dead, over a hundred more injured.  http://the-japan-news.com/news/article/0002363580

Nobody's saying, "It was me," yet.  There are a half-dozen religious, political, and religious/political groups considered potentially responsible, and the always-popular deranged individual theories.

So our range of motivations basically come down to these three:
1.  I think Buddhism is bad, and I want people to stop being Buddhist, so I will kill them to make them afraid and demonstrate that my religion will kill people who don't join us.
2.  I think the government is bad, and I want to deprive them of reputation and revenue, so I will kill tourists and make people afraid to come to my country because they'll think it's not safe.
3.  I think people in general need to be hurt or punished, because they deserve it and/or because it gives me pleasure or makes me feel better about my own life.

It's probably at least two, if not all three.
Now, the first two are, in the long run, self-defeating.  Though you might frighten people off from a religion for a bit, or destabilize a government, you sure as hell aren't going to attract anyone to your own religion, or inspire confidence in the government you're trying to put in place.
The third - what can possibly be more self-centered?  And is there really much doubt that it's at the heart of the political and religious folks who claim to be serving some higher ideal?

So that's my definition of an asshole - the person who says, "I deserve this, and you do not."  The person who says, "I deserve this at your expense."  The person who says, "If I can't be happy, then NOBODY can be happy."  The person who is so wrapped up in their own precious suffering and fragile sense of self-worth that anyone who infringes on - or fails to acknowledge - their superiority MUST be put in their place.

No group is free of assholes.  None.  No mission statement, no religious creed, no political platform, no club, no guild, no trade organization, no nation, no ethnicity, no team, no genre, no fandom, no online community.  There's no badge you can pin on that says, "This guarantees the wearer is not an asshole."

At the same time, no group is ALL assholes.  Even in the craziest nutjob extremist group that was founded based on hating some other subset of society, there are a few folks who are there because they're desperate to belong to something, because being on a team, not being alone, having someone say "You're a good guy," is a stunningly important part of human existence, and they haven't been able to find it from anyone else.  There are a few folks who legitimately think they're doing good work, not because they hate, but because they actually don't understand how their actions are affecting others.

So what do we do?

We don't make blanket statements.  We don't say, "If they were all dead, the problem would be solved."  We don't say, "You're __________, therefore you're __________."  We interact with each other as humans rather than as objects.
We deal with the assholes in our own groups.  We speak up and say, "The things you say and do are not acceptable."  We take the time to talk about the possible consequences of any course of action.  We don't snap back when someone offends us.
We apologize and try to understand better, and move forward together.

It's exhausting.  It's waaaaay easier to say, "These people are like me, those people are not like me."  It's how society has existed for millennia.  But we now live in a time when anyone - any one - out of the 7 billion people on the planet can go out and casually disrupt and destroy the lives of hundreds or thousands of people.

We can't afford to let the assholes win.  We can't afford to push each other away.

I love you.