You know what I'm in favor of? More good stuff for everybody.
You know who's stopping us all from getting it? The jerks over there, in that other group.
Remember, I'm just like you. And nothing is OUR fault, because we're the regular people. Those people over there, they're not like us. And since there's less of them than us, we're gonna get our way.
Those (generically disliked group) people are the ones stopping you from having all the wonderful things you deserve. It's not that there's just not enough, or that you need to work harder, or that uncontrollable factors sometimes affect your life, or that decisions are sometimes made that you don't fully understand the reasons for.
They're doing it on purpose. They're out to get you. It's a conspiracy to deprive you of what you DESERVE.
Luckily, I'm here. We're going to get together and get rid of those guys. Naturally, it'll look like I get a few more privileges than the rest of you, but that's because I'm working so hard to get you what you deserve. And let's not forget how bad those other guys are.
So if they don't watch out and do exactly what we (I) say, they'd better watch out. Cause, I don't want to say it, and I'm the last one to want to hurt anyone, but if we don't get what we want, we're gonna start beating people up and stealing things. And then if we still don't get what we (I) want, we're gonna start killing people. Not that we want to, but see this gun? I'm just saying.
So let's show those guys just how much you all agree with me. Because we all should have all the good stuff they're stopping us from getting. And don't forget - I'm just like you. A regular person who works hard and was somehow ripped off by those other guys.
***For further reading, see: the Old Testament, the US Declaration of Independence, the Communist Manifesto, Mein Kampf, Tea Party propaganda, the Occupy Wall Street movement, the... you get the idea. I'm not saying they're all equally valid or invalid, I'm saying they're all formulaic and ultimately serve to replace one elite with another. And that anyone who sets themselves up as the "regular guy" hero probably isn't.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Weirdly Biological
I think of myself as a fairly self-aware person, who can make intellectual, logical decisions even in the midst of situations I'm very involved in. I'm not saying that's inherently a good thing, I'm just saying that's how I am.
Until I get sick. Then I shift into a very primal, animal survival mindset. Everything is about spending the minimum amount of energy necessary. Shuffling around with my head down isn't slouchy, just efficient. The cool side of the bathtub is a great place to rest if I'm a little feverish and barfy - why walk all the way back to my (not cool) bed when I'll probably be back in here in an hour? Hell, no, I'm not going to engage you in polite small talk - I'm a crazy actor, performing while sick, and I need every scrap of energy to pull off the show tonight. I'll be nice again sometime later.
In the same way, when I'm completely healthy, nothing can really faze me. No job? Whatever, I'm a plucky, resourceful chap, I'll find one. Rude people? Ah, sir, I pity your small-mindedness. You see, I feel good, and therefore am on a plane beyond the ordinary.
Most of life happens between those two extremes. So, little, chemical things can have a real, predictable, and significant effect on my personality. A little caffeine brings me up to full activity level. A hit from an inhaler allows me to think about things other than just breathing. After a couple drinks, I won't dance on the bar or anything, but I might tell you that personal story I'm normally too reserved to.
Lately I've been very aware of people around me, and the ways they rely on chemicals to get through the day. The commuters who have a cigarette in their mouth and a lighter in their hand before they're even off the bus. My friend who needs a little pot to get to sleep every night. The guys who aren't having fun until they're drunk. Or from my own life, back when my job was so bad that I was becoming a "have a beer after work" person.
I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole thing. On one hand, we are these meaty lumps of biochemistry, and this stuff (caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, etc.) WORKS. It's predictable and reliable. On the other hand, at what point does it become a substitute for dealing with underlying issues? Maybe I can't sleep because there's simply too much in my life, and I'd be better off clearing out the clutter. Maybe I can't wake up because I'm staying up too late with whatever silly hobby I've got going on. Maybe a drink after work means I need a different job. Maybe my party's no fun without booze because my friends are boring people (or, scarier, I'm boring).
And does it matter? Should ALL of these self-prescribed chemicals have some kind of socially acceptable dosage? Does it depend on the problem we're solving with them, or should we all be living some sort of pure wholesomeness and avoid them all entirely, and face our problems head-on? I'm not sure I'm that brave. Why do we have the dividing lines between OK and not OK where they are?
Until I get sick. Then I shift into a very primal, animal survival mindset. Everything is about spending the minimum amount of energy necessary. Shuffling around with my head down isn't slouchy, just efficient. The cool side of the bathtub is a great place to rest if I'm a little feverish and barfy - why walk all the way back to my (not cool) bed when I'll probably be back in here in an hour? Hell, no, I'm not going to engage you in polite small talk - I'm a crazy actor, performing while sick, and I need every scrap of energy to pull off the show tonight. I'll be nice again sometime later.
In the same way, when I'm completely healthy, nothing can really faze me. No job? Whatever, I'm a plucky, resourceful chap, I'll find one. Rude people? Ah, sir, I pity your small-mindedness. You see, I feel good, and therefore am on a plane beyond the ordinary.
Most of life happens between those two extremes. So, little, chemical things can have a real, predictable, and significant effect on my personality. A little caffeine brings me up to full activity level. A hit from an inhaler allows me to think about things other than just breathing. After a couple drinks, I won't dance on the bar or anything, but I might tell you that personal story I'm normally too reserved to.
Lately I've been very aware of people around me, and the ways they rely on chemicals to get through the day. The commuters who have a cigarette in their mouth and a lighter in their hand before they're even off the bus. My friend who needs a little pot to get to sleep every night. The guys who aren't having fun until they're drunk. Or from my own life, back when my job was so bad that I was becoming a "have a beer after work" person.
I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole thing. On one hand, we are these meaty lumps of biochemistry, and this stuff (caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, etc.) WORKS. It's predictable and reliable. On the other hand, at what point does it become a substitute for dealing with underlying issues? Maybe I can't sleep because there's simply too much in my life, and I'd be better off clearing out the clutter. Maybe I can't wake up because I'm staying up too late with whatever silly hobby I've got going on. Maybe a drink after work means I need a different job. Maybe my party's no fun without booze because my friends are boring people (or, scarier, I'm boring).
And does it matter? Should ALL of these self-prescribed chemicals have some kind of socially acceptable dosage? Does it depend on the problem we're solving with them, or should we all be living some sort of pure wholesomeness and avoid them all entirely, and face our problems head-on? I'm not sure I'm that brave. Why do we have the dividing lines between OK and not OK where they are?
Friday, June 24, 2011
Standing up for myself
So this morning, for the first time ever, I walked out of an audition.
Two days ago, I was in for the first round, and they were 1/2 hour late getting started. Luckily, I was first on the schedule - I can't imagine how bad things got for people later in the day, because by the time I got out, there were 20 other actors in the waiting room.
I got a nice phone message asking me to come back in today, and apologizing for the delays and assuring that today, they'd be running on time.
I arrived at 8:50, responsibly early for my 9:10 callback. By 9:20 someone was apologizing, because someone was "just running a little late." At 9:30 they finally got started with their 9:00 actor. When he was still in at 9:45, I was done.
I told the person running the waiting room that I needed to get to work, and walked out. And felt guilty, and stupid, and like I'd just missed my "big break," and like I'd burned bridges. Of course, I also felt angry that they were wasting my time, frustrated that they couldn't get their act together on such a basic level, and glad to avoid films that would probably be just as much of a hassle to work on.
My thinking was: if an actor showed up 45 minutes late for an audition, they'd never get cast. The director would assume they were unreliable/unprofessional/didn't care. The director would assume they would be equally late for rehearsals and performances. Therefore, I've got the same right to make those same assumptions about the people on the other side of the camera. If you can't run an audition, why would I think you can run a shoot?
I still had mixed feelings, like I always do when I stick up for myself. Feeling really justified and righteous, while also feeling like I really had no right to think I had any standing or worth. Bluh.
And then....
I got home after my show tonight to see this email:
Two days ago, I was in for the first round, and they were 1/2 hour late getting started. Luckily, I was first on the schedule - I can't imagine how bad things got for people later in the day, because by the time I got out, there were 20 other actors in the waiting room.
I got a nice phone message asking me to come back in today, and apologizing for the delays and assuring that today, they'd be running on time.
I arrived at 8:50, responsibly early for my 9:10 callback. By 9:20 someone was apologizing, because someone was "just running a little late." At 9:30 they finally got started with their 9:00 actor. When he was still in at 9:45, I was done.
I told the person running the waiting room that I needed to get to work, and walked out. And felt guilty, and stupid, and like I'd just missed my "big break," and like I'd burned bridges. Of course, I also felt angry that they were wasting my time, frustrated that they couldn't get their act together on such a basic level, and glad to avoid films that would probably be just as much of a hassle to work on.
My thinking was: if an actor showed up 45 minutes late for an audition, they'd never get cast. The director would assume they were unreliable/unprofessional/didn't care. The director would assume they would be equally late for rehearsals and performances. Therefore, I've got the same right to make those same assumptions about the people on the other side of the camera. If you can't run an audition, why would I think you can run a shoot?
I still had mixed feelings, like I always do when I stick up for myself. Feeling really justified and righteous, while also feeling like I really had no right to think I had any standing or worth. Bluh.
And then....
I got home after my show tonight to see this email:
Steve wanted me to apologize about our late start today and not being able to get you in before you had to leave for work. He really wants to see you, he specifically wrote the part out for you, so would you let me know the next time you're free so we can bring you back in for your call back? Thanks for your patience, Meg
Of course, now I'm feeling both justified AND flattered. And like any attention-starved actor, I immediately threw my schedule for the next week out the window to make myself available at their convenience. Three cheers for mixed messages!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Obligatory I'm-starting-a-blog post
So...
Yes, I'm the 3rd-to-last person in North America to have a blog. Maybe, but only on Feasel Day. No, I don't really expect anyone to read it, except probably my parents.
Now that your questions are answered, what will generally show up here? Quite likely, lyrics to songs and/or text pieces I'm working on. Feel free to give feedback, but don't expect me to take advice. Bits of whatever seems relevant to my day. Horrible, stupid, probably offensive things that cross my mind. Wonderful, stunning, unpredictable things that happen.
I'd say, be careful about reading any of this stuff, unless you want to know what I really think and feel about stuff. This is going to be my place to be pretty completely un-self-censored. You know, cause all my relatives are on facebook and stuff, and I don't really know what anyone's particular threshold of "Pete's a rude jerk" is, but they can just skip reading all this nonsense. Also, I have a weird sense of humor that people tend to not "get" until they get it. You know.
Oh, and no promises about if/when I ever write anything else.
Yes, I'm the 3rd-to-last person in North America to have a blog. Maybe, but only on Feasel Day. No, I don't really expect anyone to read it, except probably my parents.
Now that your questions are answered, what will generally show up here? Quite likely, lyrics to songs and/or text pieces I'm working on. Feel free to give feedback, but don't expect me to take advice. Bits of whatever seems relevant to my day. Horrible, stupid, probably offensive things that cross my mind. Wonderful, stunning, unpredictable things that happen.
I'd say, be careful about reading any of this stuff, unless you want to know what I really think and feel about stuff. This is going to be my place to be pretty completely un-self-censored. You know, cause all my relatives are on facebook and stuff, and I don't really know what anyone's particular threshold of "Pete's a rude jerk" is, but they can just skip reading all this nonsense. Also, I have a weird sense of humor that people tend to not "get" until they get it. You know.
Oh, and no promises about if/when I ever write anything else.
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